The Home Study is Done!

Great news! We have completed our "Home Study" and have officially completed the process with BAAS, our California agency. We've been interviewed, our social worker has visited our new home, and our "couple biography" has been written and officially submitted and endorsed by BAAS. Now we wait for the government to stamp a form that says we are permitted to adopt internationally. This can take anywhere from 4-12 weeks, depending on bureaucracy and who is in a good mood :)

Meanwhile, we are full steam ahead with Part B of the process (working with our placing agency in Arizona, who will actually match us with our child). A couple of weeks ago we traveled to Scottsdale for our orientation there and had a wonderful time! Above are photos of some of the Korean-born children who have been adopted through them by Arizona and California families :)

We met the executive director (herself Mom to 5, including a thirty-something Korean-born adopted son) and staff, and were so lucky to speak with a panel of adults (ages 25-40ish) all adopted from Korea. They spoke to us about their feelings about being adopted, their views of their parents (as well as birth parents), their experiences growing up, and much more. They were very reassuring, encouraging, reflective, and honest. They were enthusiastic about our adopting and gave us some great advice - like remembering that all teenagers have an identity crisis (whether or not they are adopted or look different than their parents) and to be ourselves while acknowledging/celebrating their uniqueness. 2 of these adults had also adopted Korean-born children through the same program they were adopted through!

Some had sought out birth parents, others had not, but all agreed that if a child chooses to go down that path, it is not meant to be a betrayal or rejection of their adoptive parents, who they see as their Mom & Dad, but rather an attempt to answer fundamental questions about who they are. Some adoptees have this desire, some don't. Those that go down this path don't necessarily have happy or simple reunions. One adoptee we spoke with found out he was given up for adoption at age 3 and had other siblings who were not given up. His birth parents are deceased and he feels he may never come to terms with these circumstances. Others could be the product of a violent crime or might be rejected by birth parents, who don't want to deal with the social stigma of the situation.

Other parts of the orientation included tips on how to help our child with the transition from life in Korea with their foster moms to life here with us. We learned that they probably are coming from 2 room houses where they sleep on the floors, which are heated. Our small house will seem very large to them. They have never been in a high chair or crib. Because the floors have "hot spots" these babies are constantly held, typically strapped around the front of the foster mom. When we adopt them, it will be essential in the beginning to continue to really nurture them, maintain lots of physical contact, and meet their needs consistently. This will help them bond to us, and trust that we will be there for them. They'll know they can count on us. In the first month, it will be important that only Rob or I change them and feed them so they understand that we are their parents and distinguish us from others. At 9-12 months they've already bonded with foster moms (a good thing that means they won't have been neglected - in fact, they are well-loved and well-fed!), so they will go through a brief period of grief, trauma/shock, curiosity, possibly anger, and adjustment. Some babies adapt quickly, others take more time - we are prepared for whatever our child is like and can't wait to make it as easy of a transition as possible for them! Aside from feeding and diaper-changing, other people can hold them and play with them from the outset, and we learned these babies are used to being social. They've ridden on subways, been in markets and different homes, and are used to urban settings.

The "big thing" that came out of the orientation was our decision not to travel to Korea for the adoption, but rather to have our child escorted (common practice there). Basically, the agency told us we would only be able to meet with our child for 1 hour in a clinical setting (this is after 13 hours of travel, mind you) with the foster mom and Korean social worker. We are not allowed to travel around Korea with our child so the next time we would see them we would be in a van headed to the airport. They literally take the baby from the arms of the typically (and understandably) emotional foster mom and place him or her in our lap and off we would go for a 13 hour flight back with a baby we've only just met who doesn't know who the heck we are and where we are taking him. So this means that instead, an escort from Korea will ride in a plane, probably into Los Angeles, and we will meet them at LAX. Then Robert, our baby, and I will hop a short flight back to SFO. It is possible that an escort may not be available and we could still have to travel to Korea to get our child with 2 days notice, but fingers crossed it all goes smoothly! We plan to travel to Korea in the future if/when our child is at a point in their life when they are interested in going and able to appreciate the experience.

We also met 7 other couples from California who are adopting through our Arizona agency and met some wonderful people we look forward to getting together with. We are already making friends for our little ones - LOL!