A thin silver lining

So we've spent the past few days swinging between sadness and rage and have sent the appropriate angry e-mails to the powers that be (including our Arizona agency), while still trying to come to terms with another 4+ months of waiting in the best-case scenario. Not easy.

In the midst of this, we had sort of an important realization. Leo was referred to us on June 11th and he would still be in this horrible situation, regardless of whether or not he was ever referred to us or another couple, simply due to the date of his referral. He would have been a victim of the quota for emigration permits that the government evidently sets, regardless of whether or not we are his parents. In this sense, we feel like if he has to go through this nonsense, and have a delayed transition, then at least we know we are the kind of parents who can support him with all of his needs. So it's sort of like "we're in this together," and that is something to hold on to.

This doesn't diminish our outrage at our social worker/agency (for failing to inform us about even the existence of government quotas for emigration permits, let alone that this has happened before) or the Korean government (which doesn't care about its orphaned children). But at the end of the day, I try to remind myself that these institutions and bureaucracies and arbitrary decisions are a means (however infuriating) to an end (family life with Leo). I'm working hard on staying focused on that, though it's hard to have faith at this point that he is ever really coming. But I'm trying.

Tomorrow we hope to have a phone call with our agency to express our frustration/outrage and to begin making travel arrangements to visit Leo in Korea, which will probably be the most difficult trip of our lives. I don't know how I will leave him and go through the ordeal of customs/immigration and a 14 hour flight home without him. But I'm a strong mommy and I know I can handle it, because the alternative is worse. So I'm off to the library to get some books on Seoul and get the ball rolling. As tough as it will be, I can't wait to see Leo and play peek-a-boo and put my nose on his little nose if he lets me :)