Leo Learns His Birth Story

Yesterday, we began to talk in a more concrete way to Leo about his birth story.  He knows he was born in Korea and lived with his foster parents, but doesn't really understand why.

Last night, we showed him the first 2 pages of a digital photo book we created for him with words and photos that describe his first 2 years.  For the first time, we told him that he had a birth mother and that he came out of her belly.  He asked, "Why?" but was mostly curious about babies coming out of bellies, not birth moms!  It helped a lot to be able to name some of his friends and explain that they also have birth mothers who are different than their Mommies.  We told him that his birth mother and father could not care for him and he asked, "Why?" but not in any different way than he asks "Why?" about anything else. We did our best to provide him with truthful, simple answers.

It was generally a relief to begin the discussion (since we don't just want to drop it on him when he's 10, like he wouldn't have noticed we look different - lol).  Yet, there was one moment that was hard.  He wanted to know if he came out of my belly and I had to say no.  I wanted to tell him how much I wished he had and how it makes no difference in how much I love him, but that's all too heavy for him right now.  He seemed to take the information in stride. 

We plan on reading a little bit every night.  He actually seemed to enjoy learning about himself and looking at photos of himself a lot, and asked us to read the same paragraph three times.  I'm hoping if we can normalize the adoption experience early on, it will reduce confusion and insecurities later.  Or maybe, on some level, it's about my insecurities.  After all, what adoptive parent doesn't worry that their child will one day shout at them, "You're not even my real Mom!"  In fact, I pretty much expect that to happen since, when I was an adolescent and teenager, I used every tool in my arsenal to verbally torment my mom.

Luckily, Leo's 3 and hormones are a long way off.  Tonight we'll read the next section, which includes the word "adopted" for the first time.  I'm loathe to use it but will, because it's a fact.  I don't like the word very much because it creates a perception of difference, and even a barrier.  Like, "he's my adopted son" versus "he's my son."  I can't stand the way the media deals with this.  Every time they reported about that horrible Sandusky Penn State situation, for example, they kept saying "his adopted children were in the courtroom."  Why not just "his children."  So I'll introduce Leo to the concept of adoption (which truly is a beautiful concept emerging out of tragedy) but try to limit our own use of it in our family.  He's my son, plain and simple.  I want him to know how we came to be a family while truly knowing that it's not how a family forms that matters, but how they love one another.  Tonight, page 3!

 Here's Leo calling my friend Stephanie on his pretend telephone.

 Stephanie doesn't know it, but he calls her around 3 times a week!

 Usually, he reminds her that he wants to go to this place called The Jungle, with her son.

Do you need something, Mom?  I'm on the phone!